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The Best Ever Book of Leeds United Jokes: Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who

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Curiously enough, however, it was the TV All Stars, rather than the Showbiz XI, who proved the more politically engaged. In 1961, for example, when professional players, campaigning for the abolition of the maximum wage, were threatening to strike, the players' union planned some fundraising matches. While the Showbiz team declined to help on the grounds that they wanted to remain apolitical, the All-Stars happily obliged, winning a degree of gratitude within the sport that caused some resentment among their more cautious rivals. While another tweeted: "Do you remember when offside was brought in to prevent goal hanging? #lufc". Weirdly, I’ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. Marcelo Bielsa’s Leeds United lost a Championship play-off semi-final against Derby after a 2-4 defeat on Wednesday night, despite going into the game with a 1-0 lead from the first leg.

And speaking of disappointments, let’s not forget the treasure trove of Liverpool FC jokes that never fail to keep us entertained when the match itself doesn’t. Ah, you’ve got to love the classics. Why did the Liverpool fan bring a ladder to the bar? To finally get some points! These zingers are the bread and butter—or should we say, the “bitter and scouser”—of football banter. They add that extra zing, like hot sauce on a bland taco. The jokes are like the unofficial mascot of the club, always lurking around, ready to pounce the moment there’s a fumble, a missed goal, or yet another defensive mishap. So here’s to Liverpool FC jokes, the gift that keeps on giving, much like their defense to the opposing team! Funny Liverpool FC Jokes Round Three ('The Final Green') had the last surviving contestant answering up to four questions correctly to win sufficient time for their celebrity partner to putt as many as ten golf balls into the hole and win them the star prize of a slightly exotic holiday.TV comedy should be a mirror for us, not the performers. It should make us laugh because we see ourselves in it, not because we see them. The better both parties realise this, the better it will be for all. A primary teacher informs her students that she is a Liverpool fan. She invites her students to raise their hands if they, too, support Liverpool. Except for one little girl, everyone in the class raises their hands. Despite two goals from Stuart Dallas Leeds have lost in the play-offs to Derby. A definite case of Derby Does Dallas. #LEEDER

Leeds is a surprising tourism hot spot nowadays, attracting more summer visitors than traditional British holiday destinations such as Torquay and Brighton. This is according to national tourism board VisitBritain. Nelson Mandela mistook Leeds for Liverpool Temple Works is a Grade-I listed former flax mill known for its incredible Ancient Egyptian design and for the fact it was the largest single room in the world when it was built in 1836. But that’s not its most interesting fact. To maintain the humidity levels within, they grew grass on the roof of the building which was grazed on by a herd of sheep. And to get them up there, they invented the first ever hydraulic lift. 19. Leeds has been home to literary giants Round Two ('Fairway or Foul') saw the remaining couple of contestants answer questions to enable their playing partner to hit the ball towards the simulated green whilst trying to avoid such virtual hazards as bunkers, rivers and waterfalls, along with, of course, rabbits digging holes. They say 'yes of course' so he asks for a Manchester United shirt. His friends think that that's a little bit weird because he has been the biggest Liverpool FC fan his whole life.He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, “Sorry Father, I almost hit that Liverpool fan.” “That’s ok,” replied the priest. “I got him with the door.” Did you hear about the father and his son who went to Anfield to see Liverpool play, and it lived up to expectations? They are understandably all a bit nervous but, being a brave lad and the club captain, Keane goes first. At the last second, the firemen whip the blanket away. Keane splats on the pavement, dead.

The story goes that a roadie failed to set up the recording equipment properly and so the Leeds gig was the one that took on its iconic status. Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey return to the scene of Live at Leeds (Photo: YP) Hippo bones were found in the city centre Four football fans were climbing a mountain one day. Each was a fan of a different team in the premiership and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans of their football team.

52. The first replica shirts were sold by Leeds United

What does a [insert team here] fan do after watching their team win the Premier League? Turn off the PlayStation! Many entertainers can delude themselves into believing that what audiences really want from them is not their primary skill but one of their secondary interests, which is why some musicians attempt to make movies, some talent show judges bid to burst into song and some actors convince themselves that they are actually political theorists. They have every right to do so, in their spare time, but it is down to management to stop them from inflicting such self-serving fallacies on the audience. That was their salutary lesson. What, however, can the rest of us learn from this odd sporting saga?

There is a old Liverpool fan who is dying so he calls his Liverpool friends and asks them to do one last thing for him. Hats off to Jürgen Klopp. He’s become a proper scouser, someone the fans can really relate to and hail as one of their own. My partner just split up with me because they think I’m obsessed with football. I’m a bit gutted about it – we’d been going out for three seasons. This, from the Seventies through to the Nineties, is what television management signally failed to do when it came to the sport of golf. The broadcasters, for some unknown reason, seemed content to indulge comedy's golfing fraternity as it did its best to make everyone else feel that they were fellow members of a virtual clubhouse.Bielsa's night has just got worse. If you're still in and around the area, Bielsa has lost his dog. He's clearly not very good at holding on to a lead. One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, "Where are you going, Father?" Craig Dawson then doubled the Irons' lead later on in the half and despite a host of opportunities for the visitors in the second-half, the Hammers held on.

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